Sunday, November 29, 2009

When She Speaks, You Listen: Tha Lady Blogga "Open Letter to Mrs. Woods"

As I am the original sidebitch grinch, I figured I would shout-out my new friend Elin Woods who seems to have a zero tolerance for side chick foolery...

*Disclaimer* tha Lady Blogga does not condone domestic violence or adultery. But when a wife is faced with a such situation, it is usually dealt with by any means necessary... And that might include a 9 iron and some stitches.

Dear Elin,

I see your "How to Prevent Side Chick Situations" class has really paid off. I hope that your husband is okay and recovering from those car accident injuries he got. Girl, how did he end up hitting that fire hydrant and tree?

I hope it had nothing to do with those pesky "Rachel rumors" and that 9 iron that was in your hand. I applaud you for bustin' out that back window on the Escalade (re: Jazmine Sullivan) as you tried to save your husband from the accident. He should be grateful you were up at that hour.

I don't mean to get in your business but... Ummm, since he was going about 30 miles an hour and when he hit that tree, the airbags didn't deploy... How did he get those lacerations on his face? And who knocked him unconscious? Once again, I hope it had nothing to do with those pesky rumors and that 9 iron in your hand...

Actually, I'm lying.

If the allegations are true and your husband joined the masses of assholes that chase skirts other than the one they married, then perhaps he attained those lacerations and was knocked unconscious fair and square. I hope you didn't break a nail in the process. I don't know when men are going to realize that cheating is such a sucka move. If they are really unhappy with their wife's actions, let her go and keep it movin'. That's the man thing to do. So if they cheat and come back home, they have to endure the consequences. If that means he has to pull a 9 iron out of the crack of his ass, so be it.

Ya know, your reaction to side chick foolery was extremely unexpected. Many people are commenting that "black men marry white women to avoid those kinds of outbursts.". Well girl, this incident has a lot of men second guessing. I hope you're ready for the conspiracy theory backlash.

And I applaud your husband for informing the cops that he will not speak to them... I wonder why that is? If that was any other black man I know, he'd be under the jail.

Oh and I am so glad that you were rich and loaded before you married him. You know how ignorant people are. They would swear you wanted his money, but hell, you have your own!

Well this doesn't surprise me. All men have it in them. They are never satisfied and the scent of a woman's crotch always leads them astray. I mean you are a beautiful woman. You were a nanny so you know how to take care of home and children. What more could he ask for? Ohhhh... I know. He must be lookin' for the "Adina Howard" in you. After cooking, cleanin and taking care of kids, and balancing the finances, the freak in you should be available to him at all times, Right? And if it's not then they need to step out to find it.

Fuckin' jerks. Perhaps your husband should incorporate a little Nas into his musical selection. "Pussy Kills" homeboy. Shit is dangerous. Just ask Steve McNair. Oh wait... Nevermind.

Well... I hope his peen is satisfied and those lacerations on his face don't scar.

Talk to you soon hun...

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  1. I lol'ed IRL for real. Hilarious. I especially love the "ask steve mcnair...wait nevermind" part. Poor Tiger. being a golf pretty much wrecked his street cred- and then he goes and makes it worse by getting his ass kicked by a swedish nanny.

    to paraphrase the great riley freeman "golf nigga, you gay!"

  2. Yo... that was right on point... I have to agree that most men smell vagina and loose focus of whats important in their lives... even their own families... I feel bad for dumb ass men, but hey... Keep it up fellas... i do not mind tuning your wives up.... Deuces

  3. Very nicely written and composed. Right now I am sure Tiger is sleeping on the couch indefinitely. But as we all know, most men in sports and entertainment cheat on their women. No surprise there. I am sure he will buy her a Kobe special 10 karat ring and everything will be fine.