Sunday, February 14, 2010

When She Speaks, You Listen: @LadyBlogga "Valentine Schmalentine"

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Valentine Schmalentine…

So it is February 14th… Better known to most people as Valentine’s Day. People scramble around spending countless dollars on gifts and what not. For one day, people feel all lovey dovey and connected to somebody...anybody. Folks, this is a pagan holiday. SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

If you are in a relationship then Valentine’s Day should be like just any other day. Perhaps go to dinner or spend the day together at the spa but as far as going bananas and crazy with it, NO BUENO. In a relationship, you and your significant other should always feel connected. There should always be a feeling of Love and Happiness *cues Al Green*. There should always be a spontaneous desire to surprise and please your significant other sexually and with material items. Leave a card in her purse. Put a love note in his pocket. Cook his favorite meal in lingerie. Plan a weekend getaway. Play scrabble ;) It’s the little things like that that trump any Valentine’s Day anything. It shouldn’t take one day out of the year for you to want to shower this person with love and gifts and then act like an ass for the other 364.

Valentine’s Day is a joke. People who cheat, lie and deceive get credit for behaving like gentlemen/women on this day. You lie for 364 but decide to be nice today… All the bad things that you did go away on this day. The asshole becomes the sweetheart on this day because he came with flowers. The bitch becomes a saint because she offers good head on this day.


And I applaud all you broke people who skipped out on a bill payment to buy someone a gift. Spending within your means is sooooo necessary. If your girl has a diamond necklace but y’all can’t watch cable because you didn’t pay the bill, you are an idiot. It really isn’t that serious.

Oh and last but not least… Where my SideBitches at??? What does Valentine’s Day mean to you? Since you have no place in life, I think this day was created to make people like you feel special, give you a purpose. Do you guys even get presents today? Or is it strictly hard dick and bubble gum the day before or after? And the men that have to make time for multiple women, how does that work? This day was created for assholes like you who partake in fuckery during the year but feel better because you bought your wife/girlfriend a big gift. The bigger the gift, the badder the fuckery. That’s my mantra.

(As I typed the above paragraph, Jungle Fever is playing in the background)

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I bring you my favorite Valentine’s Day song “Caught Out There” by Kelis… Those of you that have called me know this tune well….

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